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I chilled with Lyla in a mall Starbucks while Julie ran around and bought stuff. We sat by the window and I read Time magazine, so I didn't pay attention to the throngs of humanity surging past us, slowing down to stare and admire. Those of you truly keeping track will note that Lyla wore these pants yesterday too. See, we're just regular people.

This evening the three of us dined at Chevy's, an exclusive Mexican restaurant masquerading as a garish, repugnant chain. The question for you to consider is this: is a Chevy's waitress more or less likely to card a young couple if they have a baby? This question ran through my mind as we pulled into the parking lot, as Julie had just fed Lyla and announced to me that she deserved a margarita.


So here we are, just so you can get an idea of the level of class and sophistication. Does bringing a baby here make us seem older, or younger?

Now, a word on pumping and dumping, the unlikely phrase that means draining all your milk and throwing it away. This was a concept that I misunderstood until about three days ago. I thought drinking alcohol poisoned all your milk, which meant you had to drain yourself completely and start again fresh. In fact, breast milk does not store alcohol. Rather, the alcohol, as you know, affects your blood, and anything in your blood can transfer to your milk. Once the alcohol leaves your blood, it doesn't remain in your milk.

There are a couple schools of thought about alcohol and breastfeeding. The extremists say don't drink at all until the kid is totally weaned. But most experts agree that a drink now and then is okay as long as you wait two or three hours before breastfeeding. Well duh. If you're not buzzed, your kid won't be either.

That said, everything is out the window if you're a total booze hound. Heavy drinkers or frequent drinkers shouldn't drink while breastfeeding. Again, well duh.

So the pumping and dumping isn't necessary due to alcoholic milk; it's necessary to deal with engorgement caused by waiting to feed. Fascinating stuff, people. It's great to be a man.

Back to the question. If you saw Julie and me at Chevy's, would the baby increase your estimate of our age? Or would you think, "Stupid young couple bringing their beautiful accident baby to Chevy's, tut tut." Well, the waitress didn't card us, and we always get carded, so I guess Lyla makes us look older. Yippee.