Zoo

Mother's Day is way better than Father's Day. Mother's Day involves the husband waking up early and cleaning the house while simultaneously tending to the child. This must be done silently to prevent the mother from waking. Then the husband and child make the mother's favorite breakfast, again silently, and the child serves the breakfast bedside at the mother's preferred waking time.

Then the husband and child leave the house for the day. The mother deserves time alone, and that is what Mother's Day is all about. Perhaps the husband and child return later to take the mother out to dinner, but if the mother prefers it, the husband and child stay in a hotel that night, returning home the next day.

But then a month or so later on Father's Day, the father prepares his favorite breakfast for everyone. Then everyone goes to the zoo, unless the wife wants to stay home. On Father's Day, the wife's participation is optional because it's really a day for fathers and kids to hang out. That evening there is usually a barbecue hosted by the father.

Later the father gets an ugly tie.

I'm calling shenanigans on that whole deal. For Father's Day I'm gonna sit in a bubble-bath and play video games all day.

Of course that's a lie. I'm taking everyone to the zoo.