Costumes

Lyla is ten months old today. She celebrated by standing unassisted for three seconds and drinking unassisted for two seconds. Our gift to her was a squirt of baby Tylenol because, as her doctor told Julie the other day, those teeth are coming in soon.

The young lady was not happy this evening. Julie and I are afraid we might have a long night ahead of us because clearly there are gum issues. It's mainly the top ones, too, which is exciting given that Halloween is fast approaching. I have a feeling Lyla's mouth will resemble a jack-o-lantern by then. And if she gets mad from the soreness, she'll sound like a werewolf. Hey, maybe the fangs will come in first and we'll call her Lylacula.

What do you dress up a baby as for Halloween, anyway? Julie has an idea that I am not allowed to mention here, and it's cute. But really, the first Halloween costume is an opportunity to transcend cute. We could dress her up as anything. Princess Leia in the titanium bikini would be hilarious, yet creepy. How about a bowling pin? She'll be walking by then and would definitely fall over sometimes. Hey, do they have Joe Biden costumes for babies? That would make people scratch their heads.

The first Halloween Julie and I ever spent together was our junior year of college. I dressed up as a spider, and she went as a web. I apologize if that made you throw up in your mouth. Of course, now you need to decide whether to get up and spit it out somewhere, or just swallow it. If you swallow it, then help yourself to a mint.

That year was also Julie's very first time trick-or-treating. She never got to go as a kid because most of the time she was in juvie. No, it was because...I don't really know. But that was significant, trick-or-treating as 20-year-olds with complementing arachnid-themed costumes. We were so cool. Then two years later, I proposed to her at a Halloween party. If you're in the mood to vurp again, read about it here. All of this is to say that when Lyla experiences her first Halloween, it will need to be monumental.

If her only teeth are the two front ones on top, then we'll have to go with a bunny outfit, won't we? Or is that cruel? Oh well: it's no more cruel than her daddy stealing all her candy.