Pissy

At Lyla's doctor appointment today, she got three shots. Man! I heard before that it's tougher on the parents than the child. I don't know if that's true, but it certainly sucked for us considering we've spent the last eight weeks doing everything in our power to prevent her from feeling any discomfort.

Lyla took it very well, considering. Yes, she demonstrated the true power of her lungs and vocal chords, and yes, her face became temper-tantrum red. Minutes later, though, with two pink bandages on one leg and one on the other, she fed as if nothing had happened.

Earlier in the appointment, just after she weighed in at 11 pounds and 13 ounces, I held her under the armpits and complimented her on her weight gaining skills. At that second, the cork popped, and a torrent of urine splashed against my hoodie and dripped down all the way to my shoes. It was Niagara.

I think she did it on purpose; I think we have a little practical joker on our hands. The first time someone peed on me intentionally was in nursery school. At pee time the boys went in two-by-two. This nasty little future inmate and I were pee partners, and he peed on my pants on purpose. I wish I could say I dunked him in the toilet or pulled his underoos up over his head or something, but in actuality I ran out and cried to the teacher.

Twenty-six years later, I am happy to say that this time I did not cry.

In the car on the way home, Julie exclaimed how exhausting the appointment was.

"Oh, because you got three shots too?"

"Well--"

"Oh, because Lyla sprayed urine all over you?"

"You're going to put this conversation on the blog, aren't you."

"'Hi, I'm Julie! I witnessed aggressive urination and three shots! Take me to McDonald's!'"

"Oh my God."

"Should we pull over? Maybe I could rub your shoulders a little, take some of the edge off from your stressful appointment."

"Yes, maybe we should do that."

"Yeah, the urine on my pants is pretty much dry anyway."

"How often do you say that? 'Hi, I'm Dan! The urine on my pants is almost dry!'"

"I think she peed on me deliberately."

"Well, I told her to. She listens to her mommy."