Table

Seven years ago, we bought a kitchen table and four chairs for $129. When Daisy was a puppy and we thought she could be left alone to roam the house, she proved us wrong by gnawing gouges out of each chair and the table itself. To put a price on it, she ate roughly $37-worth of the set.

We finally got around to shopping for a new set. All over town, kitchen sets we saw were hideous in their own way, whether it was their $3,500 price or their faux-European, modern-retro-chic poser style. In the fanciest store, Lyla showed her displeasure by screaming and turning her ass-faucet on high. Sorry for the crassness; snobby furniture causes me to overcompensate in the other direction. Believe me, I was tempted to change her on that $3,500 table.

Instead, we did the diaper changing and breastfeeding in our car in the parking lot. Were it not for our tinted windows, an employee might've walked by on a smoke break and sniffed haughtily.

Then we went home and bought our kitchen set from Target.com. So really in the past seven years, we haven't changed much.

I wish we would have known this morning that our ultimate destination would be at home on the computer. It would've saved time, energy, and Lyla might not have spit up into Julie's shirt in the back seat of our car. Let's keep our fingers crossed that the animals and baby in our house collectively decide that our new kitchen set looks unappetizing.