Nicknames

Today I was daydreaming about Lyla's first day of school. In the daydream she was kind of a smart-ass, which I'm sure won't be the case in real life.

"And Layla? Is Layla here? Layla? L-Y-L-A?"

"You say it LIE-la. My daddy told me to be wary of people who say my name wrong. He said they might be illiterate."

"Illiterate? Do you know what that word means, young lady?"

"Yeah, stupid or something."

"Class, quiet down. LIE-la, we don't say stupid; it's a swear word. Do you have a name you'd prefer to go by?"

"You can call me Goo, the Goo, or Goo Baby if you're not into the whole brevity thing."

"Goo Baby?"

"Or Squirty-Loo. You know, like what I used to do in my pants when I was little."

"Class, settle down. SHHHH! Class! Don't make me flick the lights."

"Or I also go by Buddy, as in 'Hey little buddy.' My parents are weird."

"What do you prefer?"

"I'd prefer you say my name right."

And the room gasps.

Man, I can't wait! When a teacher calls to notify me of classroom hijinks, how will I suppress my temptation to chuckle? Since I was little, I was always sensitive to teachers' methods; I knew who was good and who sucked, and I wasn't always polite to the latter. Then I became a teacher, so go figure. As a teacher, I understand the importance of parental support, but as a parent, I might think my kid is hilarious and the teacher idiotic. That'll be tough. In the end, I suppose I'll tend to side with the teacher, at least outwardly.

But if they mispronounce my daughter's name on the first day of school, then they're on their own.